PLANET HD 178911 Bb, PHOBETOR GALAXY - A recent interview with the principal curator of the computer-simulated reality you are currently “living” in has revealed that the entire team of post-biological extraterrestrials who manage the Earth Simulation are getting a huge kick out of watching the humans in simulation run #295,121 take Direct Air Capture (“DAC”) technology seriously.

Bottom line: if you fuck this up and turn on this system - either inadvertently or intentionally - before tax equity is in, the world will basically end. Or at least that’s true to the extent you equate my career track facing a minor impediment to the apocalypse being upon us. So just sit there and don’t fucking do anything except keep the utility technician alive with water and crackers. Other than that, you being anywhere near the general proximity of those inverters, with a pulse, reads as a liability to me. Please don’t fuck this up for me. Er…Us…I meant “Us”. You turn that fucker on when - and only when - I tell you you can. Oh….and also cancel your New Year’s Eve plans.

On the first call, the attorney needed to make the case that the company had not inadvertently placed a project into service prior to the tax investor’s initial contribution by pushing “test energy” onto the electrical grid. “The PPA specifically defines ‘test energy’ as being energy delivered before commercial operation! And the placed in service definition clearly states that the system needs to be capable of delivering energy for commercial purposes; so how could the project possibly be placed in service if we’re only delivering energy that is, by definition, energy that is a prerequisite to commercial operations?!?!?!”… argued the attorney

MIAMI, FL - Statler and Waldorf Partners (SWP), a global private equity investment firm with a distinguished history of identifying unique market strategies using their unsurpassed political connections, announced today the launch of PhotonLumenFlux Renewable Power, a new “platform” that will imagine, source, develop, construct, finance, operate, buy, sell, arbitrage, mow, raise sheep, repower, and beekeep around utility-scale solar plants and storage facilities on behalf of SWP’s Asset-Based Acquisition and Finance Group (the “ASSBAF” group) that utilizes the same strategy as all other competing private equity firms in the renewable energy space that are currently raising funds to create, buy and sell platforms to each other at increasingly lucrative valuations, until such time that anything starts to matter again.

A reference to Forbes’ wonderful piece of not-at-all-planted-by-a-PR-agent…”journalism” from a couple days ago